i woke up to a bbm from rikki asking to go to yoga. we went to the 10:30 class, contorted in lunge positions for 45 minutes, and i am not relaxed or poised at all, just stiff everywhere. my back, my shoulders, my inner thighs, they all pain from stiffness and something terrible and unfamiliar coming to the surface that was awakened by the downward dog or child's pose.

i wonder what my body is trying to tell me, its not like im new to yoga, but this terrible stiffness and muscle pain is new to me. maybe i hit a spot where i hid all of my secrets and they are all resurfacing in the forms of physical agony. 

maybe im one of those sleepwalkers who does crazy things by night but doesnt remember them in the morning. maybe my sore inner thighs are paining from my alias's loose ways with the men she comes across. (i wish)

i need to become more free, with my body and attitude and everything. i need to get more things done without making such a big pain out of everything, because to summarize the cure for my current condition: i just need to relax. 

edit: danielle

i am a nice russian girl who stays in her room, cleans it frequently, and enjoys drinking tea with syruped cherries. 

writing this to keep my mind of #1

i am writing this to keep my mind off of how badly i really need to pee right now.

so

for the purposes of being occupied, i will make this super exciting entry as fun and dry-themed as possible.

rikki told me today that when women reach a certain age, they dry up and can't make wetness anymore even though they continue feel the sensations of arousal. i wanted to start crying. i even asked my mom, she shrugged the question off with a "yea duh, you didnt know?"

i cant believe it, in 5 decades, i won't be sexy anymore, ill just be dry, bitter, and cold, and cheap flannel wearing, like my last year's english teacher.

other dry themes that have occured in the recent past:

i splurged on new bumble and bumble $20.00 conditioner  for my hair, i am very excited about giving my winter locks some depth of vavavoom. they have replied with a 'tahnk you danielle' by being particularly blonde and shiny today. excellent.

(if i get a UTI from crossing my legs for this long and holding the water works in, i am blaming it on my tutoring kids for being so late! i can't get up to go to the bathroom because im at the library and im afraid some korean library kid will steal my laptop and super cute new backpack)

and thirdly, i am seeing lucas tomorrow, my new play writing teacher who i told last week that he resembled a younger vincent gallo. i can't stand how incredibly awkward i am. i need a older man in my life. one with a beard and charisma and good tastes in things. but isnt that every girls dream?i am going insane. i just really need to pee. 

ponyponypony

i went to go see ponytail tonight with ryan, janelle, and ryan's friends sal and laura. it was a fun night over all, even though i felt like my stomach would sink into my ovaries from starvation, but that evened out with a dollar cheeseburger (which i sort of regret) that i eventually got. otherwise, the night was filled with driving through unfamiliar park slope streets, avenues connecting to warehouses and warehouses and more warehouses. i would never want to live in a place like that. it's so cold and lonely, absolutely empty, nothing fills the horizon but over ground subway tracks and really old metal billboard signs. when i want to move in somewhere by myself, i want to live in a familiar apartment, that may be built over a flower shop or something quaint and feminine like that. i dont know, im making things up as i type, im making up a future in which i play a nice femme who calls her mom and loves nick at night reruns (me in a nutshell). 

edit: oh, and i shared a marvelous soho shopping and snacking at dean and deluca with the newest love of my life, julia

stalkers

today marc and i wanted to look at all the beautiful mansions in the rio vista. we drove into alpine and were going along the espalanade until we realized a ford truck was following us the entire time. we cut into side streets but the truck was following us the entire time. it was very creepy. i started to panic and tear up, my mascara was slightly runny once i got home. while we were trying to lose the guy, we ran through a yellow light and felt relieved that he got stuck at the red, but he just kept going, straight through the red light, and after us. we drove into cresskill and quickly turned into the kings parking lot, only then did we lost the stalker. i felt like the characters in 'road trip' the entire time, i almost heard a trucker's accent whispering "candyyyycaneee" into my year. 

on other news:

i got my hair cut to closer resemble mary kate olsons because i am just another 17 year old girl.

i think that the hairstylist did a pretty good job getting it blonder, as far as my resemblance to mary kate...i am still 15 pounds and 10 fur coats away. 

my fabulous friend ruby is coming from LA to new york in a weeks time, our itinerary so far includes (but isn't limited to): wearing all white, playing raquet ball, discussing cynicism, discussing cynicism in relationships, eating sunday brunch

my book of short stories--published online

you can buy  my book of short stories online, let me know if you want to, its 12.95, no im not making any profit on it. if you want a copy, i will give you website instructions. 

emily. 

she took these.

she is a girl who, over the summer, i told to "you are my spiritual connection"