it is gorgeous outside, even though unbearably windy, i almost got lifted off my feet, but i needed that sort of rush feeling! i like it like this, esepcially typing on my laptop and sunshine coming through the window instead of cloudy cloudyiness. i reread the bell jar in the last couple of days and i honestly dont know how i loved it so much as a naive 8th grader because i totally relate to it a lot more now than i could have ever as a 13 year old girl. its a wonderful story about a girl feeling trapped by expectations and society and boys and school and just the general pressure of living until she stopped feeling anymore, went to a insane asylum, and witnessed craziness all around her until she finally lost her virginity and got better again. what i need is the touch of a man, and then ill be good too...hahahaha do i totally sound like a loony now? maybe i am, maybe this is the slow documentation of my going insane.
anyhow, from the totally sane part of me, i also want to say that tomorrow is valentines day and because ive never had a valentine, i have nothing to compare tomorrow to other than another day, but the difference with tomorrow is and the past valentines days is that i am going to philadelphia to see Lia. I am very excited by this because not only do i love lia very much and would love to spend cupid day with her, but i have heard so much about this city and although ive gone a few times to shows, ive never actually goneeeee to philadelphia. my friends who frequent the philli warehouses often compare it to the lower east side so hopefully, i will love the city as much as everyone does. the past year of my life has been very philadelphia themed. my ex left me for philadelphia, my cousin discovered philadelphia and made a new group of friends there who evidently are friends of friends of absolutely everyone i know, making this world that much smaller for me, and now i get to see it for myself. i will write about my philli adventures when i get back.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
lately, i havent been feeling so good.
i dont know if its because i gave up coffee or not, and that was like my signature thing, a cup a day, kept me sane, level headed, good, now i sleep all the time and feel every sense of pathetic-ness that i have in me. i can live an entire day and not remember any details or anything substantial about it that i can smile about, and then i get up, and it happens all over again. it feels like everyone got into college so far except me, but that doesn't even bother me so much anymore, i just want to sleep all day and listen to beat happening and do absolutely nothing else.
a girl once came up to me at a terrible party (i hate the fact that i actually went, but i was with friends, the decision was not in my hands) and this girl comes up to me and says "its you!" and i had no idea who she was, i just assumed she was as loony as me. she ten carried on to tell me that i have been in every SAT room with her and she is fascinated with me and how i dress up in shiny clothes to take the exam and i chug my coffees while the proctors yell at me that i am keeping everyone from starting. i no longer feel like that danielle, i miss my coffee, i miss my shiny clothes, i miss my rebellious badassness. i think im going to start it all up again tomorrow.
i dont know if its because i gave up coffee or not, and that was like my signature thing, a cup a day, kept me sane, level headed, good, now i sleep all the time and feel every sense of pathetic-ness that i have in me. i can live an entire day and not remember any details or anything substantial about it that i can smile about, and then i get up, and it happens all over again. it feels like everyone got into college so far except me, but that doesn't even bother me so much anymore, i just want to sleep all day and listen to beat happening and do absolutely nothing else.
a girl once came up to me at a terrible party (i hate the fact that i actually went, but i was with friends, the decision was not in my hands) and this girl comes up to me and says "its you!" and i had no idea who she was, i just assumed she was as loony as me. she ten carried on to tell me that i have been in every SAT room with her and she is fascinated with me and how i dress up in shiny clothes to take the exam and i chug my coffees while the proctors yell at me that i am keeping everyone from starting. i no longer feel like that danielle, i miss my coffee, i miss my shiny clothes, i miss my rebellious badassness. i think im going to start it all up again tomorrow.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
fever of 101, death
this will be in fragments because i can't think, or roll my eyes, or move really. i have a high fever. it hurts. i need to write or do something. to waste time i watched the motorcycle diaries. fantastic film. gael garcia bernal is not only a genius but the sexiest man under 5'11 to walk the universe. ugh. kill me. and save my body for when gael is ready to take it. moving on, it was about che guevara, before he took over Cuba, about a road trip that taught him about the peoples of South America. completely inspirational. did you know that i once too strongly believed in socialism? i shouldnt have written that online, dont they have black lists for writers like me? see you on the dark side.
pictures from the best weekend (prior to my getting incredibly sick)
my love, my life, my sally b.
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