i love my new job at american apparel

i also love sad nirvana songs 

and short skirts

and combat boots

rain weather matched with trench coats

frozen yogurt with chocolate sprinkles

vegetable burritos from trader joes 

law and order svu

on other news: college destination: Eugene Lang College at The New School University 2013! 

i want to look like her

instead of going to college, i think ill ask for a nose job instead. i have become 95% superficial. success. 

i dont want to use this anymore, i feel really teenage about most of my recent thoughts.

little girls

fat-virgins

i now sort of work for google

if you continue to follow my blog (all 10 of you!) and pay attention to the ads on the left, it would be great for not just only me, but google, the economy, and the vast world of the internets!

otherwise

i cant stop listening to this song called "german love" its just so catchy and fun feeling, beautiful.

and

yesterday in a funk of emotion and sadness over being ditched by a girl who i thought was a good friend, i ate 2 chocolate chip cookies chased by some delicious horizon whole milk, i will kill myself over this once it all finally hits me. when i bought the delicious items, i just was not feeling very good, i needed them as a uplift, no guilt in that right? i liked to think of myself as a pleasant mess when i bought my stuff with mascara running down my face and all of my things disheveled in my bag, id also like to add that i paid in sakagewia coins. it is in my piscian nature to always make a dramatic scene. thank you.

i am so lonely.

i am so lonely.

i am so lonely.

i am so lonely.

i am so lonely.

things going on

today i got accepted to pratt, one of my top choice schools. in my excitement, i mentioned the news to a friend who said "now you'll be one of those kids". i didn't know what he meant until i knew what he meant. one of those "i live in brooklyn so now i have a reason to feel cool even though i was weird in highschool and spent too much time myspacing strangers on the internet while trying to pursue photography as more than just a hobbie, power to my canon rebel and siq v neck, i am dramatic."

i hate stereotypes, but if i was to stereotype myself id fall into woody allen's category of "New York, Jewish, left wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike orineted kind of, red diaper."

as for other stereotypes, people i know stereotypically spend their saturdays partying (whatever that means) in their parents basements or living rooms before the rents actually get home from wherever they are. i, stereotypically, am that weird girl that is too overwhelmed by such organization and needs to have spontaneous adventure. sara and i did the following:

drove to upstate ny, found a random hilton, swam in the pool, sat in the sauna, thought of crashing 'david bar mitzvah' going on in the front party hall, left the hotel, drove around the ghost town, turned around to go home, went to the diner, washed our hair, saw "Feast of Love". 

ahh life.

people at school cannot live through periods without holding on to their cell phones. as if gripping that piece of plastic and replying a text to 'im so bored' is the fine line between life and death. even down the hall way, a cell phone comes as an accessorie along with a back pack and sneakers.

people at school think they are deep thinking individuals, in reality, they are all a headache full of hormones. (or maybe im just the only one?)

people at school seem to all be named nicole. today my gym teacher named me nicole, i turned around and yelled at him, he apologized a million times using my real name. i sort of wish i was a nicole. in the life of a nicole, there are few complexities, less hostility, and less over all cynicism towards everything. from now on, im going to over come a new attitude change. WWND? What Would Nicole Do?

common names of the decades:

nicole - 2000's

michael - 1990's

jessica- 1980's

they actually have google searches for these types of things

stuffy nose

green gook coming out of everywhere

i feel like a cartoon character

i never knew that nose snot was actually green...

i feel sorry for anyone reading this

i dont know why i have friends

i wouldnt be friends with me

thank you friends for ignoring my ridiculousness

a video of me doing the hustle is on someones digital camera from the weekend, if you are reading this, be dear and delete it, i am so sorry.

jean paul left for texas, my friend jean paul is gone. i probably wont see him ever again. he left because he went crazy in philadelphia. well im going crazy in new jersey, where do i have to go?

gross finger print, philadelphia fun

boots boots boots

not only did i buy one pair of boots today, but two! two pairs for 20.00! one teal pair ofcow boy boots, and another pair of low brown cow boy boots with a pointy toe. i am extremely excited to wear them, although i am sort of confused as to what to match teal boots with? i love digging through cardboard boxes and finding treasures within them.

whatelsewhatelse?

philli again this weekend, deleware friday-saturday, philli saturday-sunday, nj for the rest of my life, ready to get out of this place, i just want to live where i keep traveling hours to! 2 1/2 more months of dreadful routine torture. goodnight.

warehouses

this past weekend i took my second trip this month to philadelphia, this time, instead of traveling alone, i was joined by sally. we trecked all the way to the great city of cheese steaks for a party our friend at his warehouse. as the train ride was exciting, i felt relieved to finally end up outside the warehouse, totally weirded out about where i had ended up and how i was going to get inside. sally and i followed the music and found the entrance to the warehouse, which was through a courtyard. as much fun as i had, i also found myself getting extremely lonely as the masses of people grew. the party got more and more crowded, and by 3 am i was ready to go sleep and cuddle sally. we cuddled all night, mainly because it was cold, and woke up 4 hours later to voyage back home. philly, i will be seeing you again (this weekend!) i need to stop spending money on traveling. maybe i will live in philly one day soon, i wouldn't mind that set up at all. i always thought it was new york for me, but my loving city of manhattan has found itself more and more filled with sex and the city wannabes and less and less genuine people who have bigger and better goals than becoming a fashionista with a expanding black book and shoe closet. 

polaroids from the weekend:

pictures from recent travels

thank you park slope






thank you philadelphia






thank you new brunswick

i havent written in this for a while only because i think i have not been doing anything exciting.

ironically, my life has picked up a lot since i have actually been blogging.

too much to mention, don't really know where to start.

i went to philadelphia: about 3 weeks ago to see my booboo lia. i have been trying to develop the pictures but each time i go in waving my disposable camera, the cvs guy shakes his head no. apparently, their machine broke and the mechanic is to be expected any day now. am i the only one still using one hour photo development?

i went in some random guys van: he was a friend of my friend jon but the entire ride with him was terrifying. he drove a 1970s van with parts from the 60s. i think he thought he was really cute the entire time, a real bachelor with the awesome ride and the bed in the back. i saw two things: his beer belly 7 years in the making, my life flashing before my eyes.

i was taught how to cheat parkway tolls: jon claimed to me that he has been cheating tolls since 2005. i didnt believe him. he showed me his magic wrist action when we drove up really close, he looked as if he was throwing change in, and we sped off, his hood on the whole time and my hand covering my own face.

i went to new brunswick: and went to a party with my bestie sally. it ended up being an amazing time. i don't know how much of the party i should disclose about in my blog, but let me just say, some night!

i am 17 for one last day: today is my last 17 day. 17 has served me well. it was a year of lessons. 16 was a year of rebellion and changes, this was just a year of lessons. i now know how to do my own laundry, see through people and pick which ones to trust, control my cynicism, deal with my mother, take trains.

for 18 i wish myself: more trains, more men, more laughter, more fur, more 1980s romantic comedies, more content, a good college acceptance, a good year!

it is beautiful outside!

it is gorgeous outside, even though unbearably windy, i almost got lifted off my feet, but i needed that sort of rush feeling! i like it like this, esepcially typing on my laptop and sunshine coming through the window instead of cloudy cloudyiness. i reread the bell jar in the last couple of days and i honestly dont know how i loved it so much as a naive 8th grader because i totally relate to it a lot more now than i could have ever as a 13 year old girl. its a wonderful story about a girl feeling trapped by expectations and society and boys and school and just the general pressure of living until she stopped feeling anymore, went to a insane asylum, and witnessed craziness all around her until she finally lost her virginity and got better again. what i need is the touch of a man, and then ill be good too...hahahaha do i totally sound like a loony now? maybe i am, maybe this is the slow documentation of my going insane.

anyhow, from the totally sane part of me, i also want to say that tomorrow is valentines day and because ive never had a valentine, i have nothing to compare tomorrow to other than another day, but the difference with tomorrow is and the past valentines days is that i am going to philadelphia to see Lia. I am very excited by this because not only do i love lia very much and would love to spend cupid day with her, but i have heard so much about this city and although ive gone a few times to shows, ive never actually goneeeee to philadelphia. my friends who frequent the philli warehouses often compare it to the lower east side so hopefully, i will love the city as much as everyone does. the past year of my life has been very philadelphia themed. my ex left me for philadelphia, my cousin discovered philadelphia and made a new group of friends there who evidently are friends of friends of absolutely everyone i know, making this world that much smaller for me, and now i get to see it for myself. i will write about my philli adventures when i get back.

lately, i havent been feeling so good.
i dont know if its because i gave up coffee or not, and that was like my signature thing, a cup a day, kept me sane, level headed, good, now i sleep all the time and feel every sense of pathetic-ness that i have in me. i can live an entire day and not remember any details or anything substantial about it that i can smile about, and then i get up, and it happens all over again. it feels like everyone got into college so far except me, but that doesn't even bother me so much anymore, i just want to sleep all day and listen to beat happening and do absolutely nothing else.
a girl once came up to me at a terrible party (i hate the fact that i actually went, but i was with friends, the decision was not in my hands) and this girl comes up to me and says "its you!" and i had no idea who she was, i just assumed she was as loony as me. she ten carried on to tell me that i have been in every SAT room with her and she is fascinated with me and how i dress up in shiny clothes to take the exam and i chug my coffees while the proctors yell at me that i am keeping everyone from starting. i no longer feel like that danielle, i miss my coffee, i miss my shiny clothes, i miss my rebellious badassness. i think im going to start it all up again tomorrow.

fever of 101, death

this will be in fragments because i can't think, or roll my eyes, or move really. i have a high fever. it hurts. i need to write or do something. to waste time i watched the motorcycle diaries. fantastic film. gael garcia bernal is not only a genius but the sexiest man under 5'11 to walk the universe. ugh. kill me. and save my body for when gael is ready to take it. moving on, it was about che guevara, before he took over Cuba, about a road trip that taught him about the peoples of South America. completely inspirational. did you know that i once too strongly believed in socialism? i shouldnt have written that online, dont they have black lists for writers like me? see you on the dark side.

pictures from the best weekend (prior to my getting incredibly sick)

 

i woke up to a bbm from rikki asking to go to yoga. we went to the 10:30 class, contorted in lunge positions for 45 minutes, and i am not relaxed or poised at all, just stiff everywhere. my back, my shoulders, my inner thighs, they all pain from stiffness and something terrible and unfamiliar coming to the surface that was awakened by the downward dog or child's pose.

i wonder what my body is trying to tell me, its not like im new to yoga, but this terrible stiffness and muscle pain is new to me. maybe i hit a spot where i hid all of my secrets and they are all resurfacing in the forms of physical agony. 

maybe im one of those sleepwalkers who does crazy things by night but doesnt remember them in the morning. maybe my sore inner thighs are paining from my alias's loose ways with the men she comes across. (i wish)

i need to become more free, with my body and attitude and everything. i need to get more things done without making such a big pain out of everything, because to summarize the cure for my current condition: i just need to relax. 

edit: danielle

i am a nice russian girl who stays in her room, cleans it frequently, and enjoys drinking tea with syruped cherries. 

writing this to keep my mind of #1

i am writing this to keep my mind off of how badly i really need to pee right now.

so

for the purposes of being occupied, i will make this super exciting entry as fun and dry-themed as possible.

rikki told me today that when women reach a certain age, they dry up and can't make wetness anymore even though they continue feel the sensations of arousal. i wanted to start crying. i even asked my mom, she shrugged the question off with a "yea duh, you didnt know?"

i cant believe it, in 5 decades, i won't be sexy anymore, ill just be dry, bitter, and cold, and cheap flannel wearing, like my last year's english teacher.

other dry themes that have occured in the recent past:

i splurged on new bumble and bumble $20.00 conditioner  for my hair, i am very excited about giving my winter locks some depth of vavavoom. they have replied with a 'tahnk you danielle' by being particularly blonde and shiny today. excellent.

(if i get a UTI from crossing my legs for this long and holding the water works in, i am blaming it on my tutoring kids for being so late! i can't get up to go to the bathroom because im at the library and im afraid some korean library kid will steal my laptop and super cute new backpack)

and thirdly, i am seeing lucas tomorrow, my new play writing teacher who i told last week that he resembled a younger vincent gallo. i can't stand how incredibly awkward i am. i need a older man in my life. one with a beard and charisma and good tastes in things. but isnt that every girls dream?i am going insane. i just really need to pee. 

ponyponypony

i went to go see ponytail tonight with ryan, janelle, and ryan's friends sal and laura. it was a fun night over all, even though i felt like my stomach would sink into my ovaries from starvation, but that evened out with a dollar cheeseburger (which i sort of regret) that i eventually got. otherwise, the night was filled with driving through unfamiliar park slope streets, avenues connecting to warehouses and warehouses and more warehouses. i would never want to live in a place like that. it's so cold and lonely, absolutely empty, nothing fills the horizon but over ground subway tracks and really old metal billboard signs. when i want to move in somewhere by myself, i want to live in a familiar apartment, that may be built over a flower shop or something quaint and feminine like that. i dont know, im making things up as i type, im making up a future in which i play a nice femme who calls her mom and loves nick at night reruns (me in a nutshell). 

edit: oh, and i shared a marvelous soho shopping and snacking at dean and deluca with the newest love of my life, julia

stalkers

today marc and i wanted to look at all the beautiful mansions in the rio vista. we drove into alpine and were going along the espalanade until we realized a ford truck was following us the entire time. we cut into side streets but the truck was following us the entire time. it was very creepy. i started to panic and tear up, my mascara was slightly runny once i got home. while we were trying to lose the guy, we ran through a yellow light and felt relieved that he got stuck at the red, but he just kept going, straight through the red light, and after us. we drove into cresskill and quickly turned into the kings parking lot, only then did we lost the stalker. i felt like the characters in 'road trip' the entire time, i almost heard a trucker's accent whispering "candyyyycaneee" into my year. 

on other news:

i got my hair cut to closer resemble mary kate olsons because i am just another 17 year old girl.

i think that the hairstylist did a pretty good job getting it blonder, as far as my resemblance to mary kate...i am still 15 pounds and 10 fur coats away. 

my fabulous friend ruby is coming from LA to new york in a weeks time, our itinerary so far includes (but isn't limited to): wearing all white, playing raquet ball, discussing cynicism, discussing cynicism in relationships, eating sunday brunch

my book of short stories--published online

you can buy  my book of short stories online, let me know if you want to, its 12.95, no im not making any profit on it. if you want a copy, i will give you website instructions. 

emily. 

she took these.

she is a girl who, over the summer, i told to "you are my spiritual connection"

negative degree weather

well not negative yet, 4 degrees outside, plus windchill, plus not having 12 layers of skin, means that i felt like my entire body was going to break down at any step i took. but, i did get to share this memorable memory with sally. we had a very enjoyable coldest day of the year date. first some shopping, a invite to a sample sale, cheap falafels at a amazing hole in the wall cafe that i wont disclose the name of because it is my new special little secret, dancing awkwardly to music that was at a uncomfortably loud volume to eat falafels to, and then tea and people watching while seriously discussing going into a punk girl band collaboration together.

a short list of weirdos we spotted:
-a british man who creepily resembled adolf hitler
-a man with dread locks down to his ankles, i still am trying to figure out what he was trying to prove
-a genius girl wearing 4 socks, 5 sweaters, and 2 hats (it made me feel like i wasnt the only idiot who wanted to go out)
-4 attractive bearded men
-4 fat bearded men
-countless masses of men and women wearing the same stupid knock off army issue glasses, circa urban outfitters

good day, cold day, but a good day.

so, last weeks symptoms: vomiting, fever, halucinations, rapid weight loss

thursday's symptoms: twitching eye for 2+ hours 

today's symptoms: running nose, sore throat, bad taste in my mouth, tired eyes

diagnosis: i am slowly dying.

single lady

to all single emotionally-available bearded men:

my name is danielle and i am a 5'1 ex-1-month vegeterian, film-watching, book-reading, blood-pumping 17 year old girl who wants you to cuddle and watch movies with her. 

if interested

please contact me, danielle, at danielleneftin@gmail.com, and tell me your height, beard/stubble length, and the next movie we will watch together.

deleware from a-z

a. a long drive took lia and i through the beautiful state of new jersey turnpike and into a new land
b. birds were everywhere, from halks to ducks, forming v's in the sky
c. car drove to emily's little college development apartment complex
d. deleware is a state of strip malls, little houses, and cute cozy people
e. emily and her apartment were wonderful and welcoming and i miss them both
f. friends, all different kinds, ones with beards, ones who juggle, ones who just listen to incredible music
g. gas is self serve
h. hummus, cookies, coffee, and other late night midnight snacks are still sitting in my stomach
i. I-95 for 2 and a half hours connects nj-deleware
j. juggling boys welcomed lia and i to their home as they juggled for us and breathed fire
k. keeping the cold out with really cool ebay boots
l. little ceasar's 5.00 pizza at 3 a.m
m. movies- horror movies like the strangers and retarded movies like pieces of april
n. nonsense nonsense nonsense with lia outside as she smoked a cigarette
o. old greg, emily is old greg, youtube 'old greg'
p. partys from get togethers to mixes of strange combinations of people to sitting in emilys apartment eating
q. q is the hardest letter to match in scrabble
r. rain in deleware but snow storm in new jersey let us stay an extra night
s. salvation army 15 minutes from closing time, lia buys a 3.00 little boy flannel, excellent
t. tofu tofu tofu filling my stomach with absolutely incredible goodness
u. under bridges and in forests emily took some photos of lia and me
v.vvoooooom 
w. waking up to two jewish godesses
x. xenophobic-phobic, seeing too much of america's landscapes on the way home made me long for europe
y. youtubing old greg over and over until the fun was lost
z. zzZzZzZz

i want to fall in love with my own personal john lennon. i want to stop searching and struggling but just find him. as nice as things have been lately learning to be with myself, the lonely bug is kicking in and i don't know what to do anymore. it's back to me feeling someone sleeping next to me in order to rock my own self into slumber.

today my eye twitching began. it didnt stop right away like how the usual spasm does. it just kept twitching, at first un noticible around the bottom of my eye, then slowly shifting to the left, then all the way up my brow, where a girl at the library saw my face morphing and destroying itself from stress, over thinking, and this never ending nausea.

my nose hurts like im going to cry but the truth is, i havent cried since september from a series of bad news and getting over the past. i didn't think about the past so much as i have this past week. i want to move away. i cant live here anymore. back to my nap, even though its 1:16 am. i used to think no one read this, now that i know people do, i want to post a small disclaimer about how absolutely unstable screwed my whole mentality and outlook on 100% everything is.

i am going to delaware tomorrow with lia to visit emily. i will post pictures and updates and all of the fun stuff blogging is supposed to be about later.

yoko ono

i just watched the greatest documentary on yoko ono. she really is inspirational to me, shes just so completely ahhhhh, her poems, music, and everything. during WWII and the bombing on hiroshima, she was hiding in some desolate forest her parents sent her to live in with monks. she said because of the food shortage, she was starving but was very fashionably skinny. a critic came on and argued against yoko, saying that she ruined john lennon by turning him to morals and politics and that yoko is the reason john lost his "humor". then a video came on of john and yoko playing in toronto, him on this screetching electric guitar, long hair and wild beard, her on the mic, screeching and signing her heart out. everything about yoko ono makes me want to screaaaam. 

food poisoning

i am allergic to mexican food, even fake mexican food designed for the american palet. i went to chilli's with my mom 2 nights ago and have been throwing up refried beans and perrier since. isnt that sad, that my body cannot tolerate spices. a life without spices. bland stomach. it is funny how anything mexican is automatically taken with complete rejection. 

what i've been doing while being in bed for the past 30 hours

i have been watching a lot of television, BIG was on, fantastic movie

drinking a lot of gingerale (the fact that it cures stomach sicknesses is a myth)

reading burroughs

wondering how people could possibly live by themselves 

terrible pictures found

some terrible pictures i found on my photobooth of my friends and me, no particular order, same chrnological fun, i hope they dont hate me

man from buffalo exchange

we made contact yesterday at the buffalo exchange. i got a blazer and asked you if it hurt to wear your strange necklace, you thought about it for a second and smiled back, replying in a perfect british accent that it didnt until you thought about it and that it got in the way. i cant stop thinking about you. i think this might be it for the both of us, love me.

danielle

(a rough draft for my missed connection)

diane keaton

i will call this post diane keaton because that is who i have been thinking about most lately, outside of my devendra banhart daily dreams and fantasies. anyway, i want to start being more of a diane keaton and less of a meg ryan because i think ive fallen in the meg ryan-slump the past few weeks and i really need to get out. 

to begin my adventure into cynical sexy woman land, i have bought a fantastic blazer with elbow pads today at a thrift shop in brooklyn. i am very excited to wear it with a button down fred perry oxford i bought the other day. again, this is all very exciting for me. other than handsome men and good love movies, clothing really makes me happy.

*disclaimer: after reading this post over, i realized once again that im a huge nerd, please excuse me for being 100% stupid. 

new years eve-ish

new years eve is meant for careless decisions and new beginnings and endings to old pasts, etc, etc, etc. i see it as just another night. yea, for a second, the thought of going out to the city to ra-ra-ra sounded sort of fun in that 'lets be typical and fall for the commercial gimmick' way, but then, i realized that i wanted to end my year in a way that i'd feel calm and good about it, so here is what i did in no particular order:

made crepes, finished college stuff with sara, got dressed, got undressed, got redressed, made reservations, cancelled reservations, got dressed again because it was 9 degrees outside, went to Mama Mexico, paid a 33.00 bill for half a burrito and 2 nachos, didn't leave a tip, ran out, listened to 90s radio station on sirius xm radio, sang a loud duet with sara to what is love, larger than life, and other 90s favorites, longed, craved for chocolate, dolce diva was closed, went to the movies, saw slumdog millionare, ate milk duds and drank cherry coke (heavenly combination), ran through snow when the ball dropped and millions of people nationwide were kissing strangers brothers and exes, xoxo w/ sara while the car heated up, drove to julias, wow, wowowowoww, had no idea, confused, high school party, saw an old friend, made a new old friend again, left, drove aimlessly singing to old songs, 3:00 diner run, selville was open, welcoming fluorescent lights, reminded me of the place you'd wait in between heaven and hell, shared a marvelous cheesecake, met a couple in love, left, went home, fell asleep to sex and the city, best night ever.