period cramps

the great wall of china is inside me
and my right ovary is knocking it over into my rip cage

someone help, i am in pain.

saturday night fun

on waiting for SAT scores, 11:39 PM

so...have to pass time...going to write a blog

went to see a really good play last night called "taking over". it was a one man show about the gentrification of williamsburg, brooklyn. it made me really uncomfortable at times as it pointed fingers basically at people like me. upper middle class college kids who pretend that their lives are tortured while wearing expensive vintage and eating pretentious european-american fusion foods.

ugh, life. decisions, life, moving in, moving out, selling out, out and about. i really am trying to waste time. 11:44, 16 minutes to go.

another topic of blog discussion: i am the only one reading this. actually...i dont even read my own blogs. so in actuality, i can write whatever i please, offending as many people as i intend to offend, and no one will know or get hurt. well, now in that case i would like to make a toast to me, danielle, for sacrificing the past four years of tortorous northern valley. what else would i be doing? i dont know. i would travel to california for one, and live in prague and paris, but instead, i have been here, waiting for time to let me go and do my own thing. with the next 12 minutes, i would like to say goodbye to everyone and wave a big hand in the face of all the miserable teachers at that pathetic little facade of a highschool. 

play writing

i am writing a play, or trying to write a play, or pretending that i am try to write a play, or just telling myself all of the above to make some sort of sense as to what the fuck i am really doing with my time. 

turns out, i dont know anything. 

i still dont know where my ipod is, i dont know if I am failing school (again), i dont know if i will grow old like my mom and not recognize myself anymore, i dont know if i will ever do anything truly great in my life...let alone this year.

i want to do so many things, like fall in love under my own rules, write a book, go crazy, sew my own clothes, read all of the unread books on my shelf, stay up all night and forget how to sleep, go back home with bags under my eyes holding all the captivating sights of the night

i just want to be that, all of that, all in the next few months, i want all of the above completed. my last chance to be lolita, i need to make the time i have count.

(shit, why do i feel like i would never be friends with me every single day?)

why does it feeeeel soooo incredible to fit into that pair of jeans that has been siting on the shelf, either because they were out of style, replaced by new ones, or a fat gut. but im back in them, and the sad part is i remember the happiness i felt the day i bought them. my first pair of dark washed skinny jeans. 

on other news: i am experience anxiety about french class. i cant take it. i also cant take when i make my updates about school. i hate girls like that.

on the best type of news: a very particularly incredible human being/actor sent me an email today. i wont say who or what, but i do want to mention that danielle has left planet earth for cloud nine. 

my mom came home from work today, absolutely exhausted, and i fed her a panini i made for her just so i could get all the fatty-products out of our fridge and away from my temptation. she just smiled at me and said "i dont know why this tastes so good" and i looked at her, said "thanks?" she just kept smiling and eating with a big appetite, and said "things taste better when they are served to you." 

i am exhausted. i want to be served; breakfast in bed, sex, walks through the park, concord grapes, and good news. 

if i dont hear good news back from nyu, i am going to cry all over my house and walls and floor and never go outside again. 

i dont know what to do

so im going to make a list because i like lists

movies i am going to watch in the next two weeks

1. bande a part

2. jules and jim

3. chinatown

4. fantomas

5. broadway danny rose

books i want to read in the next month

1. amerika

2. wind up bird chronicles 

3. speak, memory

things to do before the new year comes

1. lose 5 lbs

2. stop putting sugar in everything

3. master the art of seduction

4. talk less

5. learn to be with myself more

6. write a story longer than 6 pages

7. make a short film

8. love lightly

9. stop being so cynical

10. get in touch with all my lost friends

lately:

going to bed at ten

watching more movies than i have in my life

getting dry eyes, using eye drops and cringing

reading plays

feeling more hungry than usual

drinking more tea than usual to supress hunger

realizing i have issues by writing this post

should be stopping but cannot let go of the keyboard

list must continue

whats the point

i need to get into college already or my head will explode but atleast ill be a size 2 again soon

shit...i dont know why i need to be so out right blantantly lame